Tee Tee

Joined: Jun 20, 2006 Posts: 84 Location: Manchester UK

A scouser walks into the local dole office, marches straight up to the
counter and says,
"Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing dole. I'd really rather have a job. I want to work."

The social worker behind the counter says,
"This is amazing, your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful, nymphomaniac daughter.

You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, all your meals will be provided too.

You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You will
have to satisfy all her sexual urges. You'll be provided a two-bedroom
apartment above the garage. And finally, the starting salary is £200,000 a
year."

The guy, wide-eyed, says, "You're shittin' me!"

The social worker says, "Yeah, well... you started it."

Posted: Fri Nov 03, 2006 10:37 am

Nice one mate! LMAO!

LT!

Joined: Jun 20, 2006 Posts: 84 Location: Manchester UK

My Dog Skippy

A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for Christmas dinner.

This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.

The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart.

It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman's chair, and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!".

The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer rrrrrip.

The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!" Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!" A few minutes later the woman had to let another rip. This time she didn't even think about it.
She let a fart rip that rivaled a train whistle blowing.

Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit Skippy, get away from her, before she shits on you!"